What kinds of behaviors do you exhibit based on past experiences? You may not even realize the things you repeat or the things you avoid because of memories or actions that were or are part of your life. That is why I think I am obsessed with alcohol. It has been a part of my family for as long as I can remember.
When I say I am obsessed with alcohol, I do not mean that to equal I am addicted to alcohol. Alcohol has though, been a close family member since I was a child.
Alcohol would visit during the holidays. and be present at graduations. I could recognize alcohol was present, no matter how hard it tried to be concealed. It could make good music great; it could make food flavors robust; it could make lame dances cool; it could make a shy person the life of the party. Alcohol could also be a cruel, mean and manipulative bully; it could encourage violence; it could blow things out of proportion; it could suck the happiness out of a family.
I have witnessed all of these things first hand within my immediate and extended family and I have seen it dictate the lives of so many around me.
I am obsessed with alcohol so that I do not become obsessed with alcohol. Does that make sense? I pay attention to how much I drink, when, and where I am. I pay close attention not to drink in excess, and will take sabbaticals to check in with myself. I think I am this way because of how prevalent alcohol was in my life growing up. Between the alcoholism of family- dad, uncles, aunts, cousins- I would love to avoid having the same issue and love for my children to avoid it as well. We have had conversations about our family, about what we do and about the possible consequences. But we try not to terrify the kids either.
Rightfully so, you are probably saying, ‘Well, why not drink at all? Wouldn’t that be easier?’ Relevant questions. I feel like I learn really well from the mistakes of others. So I enjoy my cocktails- responsibly. Plus many of the people that make it to the 100 year old Smuckers jars say their secrets to living a long life include whiskey and bacon.
Alcohol is not the only thing I’m obsessed with in order to avoid it’s pitfalls. Let me offer you all a couple more examples of things that I think about regularly because of the experiences of those around me. I try not to lie (besides the fact that I am not good at lying anyway- think I inherited that from dad) because so many people I grew up around lied constantly. I mean people lied for absolutely no reason. And I think, “who am I to lie to?” I am probably one of the most supportive people you will have in your corner.
I also avoid taking things that do not belong to me because I know what it is like to have my personal items taken from me. This did not necessarily happen in my own house, but we all have those people in our lives or in our family’s lives who you have to put everything valuable up when you know they are coming over. Or there are those people you cannot take your eyes off of when they are around, and if you do, you are bound to be missing something- anything from mail to clothes to cash to kicks. That is a terrible feeling.
I do not do drugs, because I have seen how it has torn families apart. I know how drug use can create impossible situations to get out of. I have seen how drug use, even if remedied after some time, can cause lasting damage that affects the person’s future behavior and health. I have friends and family members who have heavily used drugs in their younger years and although it had its effects early on, it still affected their memory and decisions in their futures.
I have recently become obsessed with saying No. I always want to please. I always want to help. I always want to solve. But dammit, that is a stressful life to live. I am learning how to minimize my stress and negative energies around me by simply saying No- with no explanation as to why. “Can you come to dinner?” No, I’m sorry, but I’m busy. “I called and you did not answer. What were you doing?” Sorry I missed your call, but I am here now, what is up? Learning how to protect my personal energy is a lesson I am learning and it is way overdue.
I think if we are honest with ourselves, everyone has something they think about an abnormal amount because they want to figure out a way for that thing not to become a part of their lives. It seems counter-intuitive, but it makes perfect sense to me.
Let me know if there is anything that you are obsessed with, in order not to be obsessed with it.
-Live, Laugh, Love 💙-
AJ DOM
AJ D.O.M. 