Life can seem like it is too short, no matter what age we may pass. I think that living in our truths and passions can help life feel so much more fulfilling than living just to make it through life. How many people say “life is too short,” and actually respect what that means? How many people have experienced something in their lives to make this phrase come alive, speak to them and encourage them to take stock of their lives and force them to make hard and scary decisions?

I have had a couple of those experiences- but none of these moments were as profound as the loss of my dad – Joseph N. June Sr., who died February 19th, 2021. The experience was heartbreaking and eye opening.

On February 19th, when the sun rose and hugged his Queens home, he did not rise with it. My dad died peacefully in his sleep. Passing in your sleep is not something that is hereditary, and my mind knows that, but man, the thought of it is still scary and compels me to move with more intention and purpose each day.

On his bedside table, the other half of his sandwich sat, from just hours before. It was hard to imagine that just 5 or 6 hours before his passing, he was watching TV, probably laughing at something silly and then- no longer on this Earth. No longer laughing. He would no longer be on the other end of the phone. He would no longer flash that beautiful smile. He would no longer tell the same Vietnam or childhood stories. He would no longer tell us how much he loved us.

I wondered who he saw. I wondered if anyone met him at the tunnel or threshold or pearly gates. I wondered and hoped my Aunt Mary met him (who I’m named after but who died before I was born). I hoped he did not suffer any, as his exit should have been easier than his existence.

Also though, on his nightstand, was a small book that I often saw him write in. That book was full of pages with his neat “English teacher” style handwriting. He could never sleep well since his time in Vietnam, so he saw lots of infomercials, vacation ads and the such. The book was full of things he wanted. The book was full of places he wanted to go, but never did. The book was full of dreams, wishes and life. The book was a lesson for myself and my siblings. Although it was a book of desires, and unfulfilled dreams for him, it became a motivating force for us.

When it set in that his book was full of “what-ifs,” it made my heart ache. In that instant, it definitely felt like dad’s 67 years of life were too short. I know we – his family- were his greatest accomplishments. I know he was able to travel while in the military. I know he was proud to fight for his country. But could these additional things he wanted, places he wanted to visit, experiences he wanted to have or accomplishments he wanted have made him feel more fulfilled? I do not know, but the ledger next to his bed told me, he at least wanted to try.

What is keeping you from grabbing the things that you want or living the life you want to live?

I say ALL of this to say, I started to write again because I want to continue to clear my ledger- for whatever time God allows me to have. I do not want to have a book filled with things I wanted to do or hoped to do, but maybe a book detailing what I have been able to do. I do not want to leave this world wondering “what if?” if I can help it. Life really is too short- it is not just a saying. There is not enough time to keep kicking the can down the road. There is not enough time to sulk in self doubt and fear. There is not enough time to wait until I “know it all” to make any moves. There is not enough time to keep living the life someone else wants you to live. There is not enough time to continue to wait for someone esle’s validation. There is never enough time.

I enjoy writing. I have written sporadically, but plan to make it a regular occurrence. I stopped because I was younger and did not feel that I had much to say. With a milestone birthday just passing (40!) and having lived some more life, I am ready to jump back in. I plan to write about various topics from parenting to sex to being a professional to marriage and everything before, after and in between. I also hope to speak with too many impactful people to count.

So, here I am. AJ D.O.M – Alexandria June, Defender of Mankind (literally what Alexandria means). I decided on this moniker because it is an inherent trait for me to want to fix the problems of others (I will write later about how stressful that can sometimes be). I enjoy finding a solution. I also enjoy a good conversation- revealing and authentic. Do not worry- all of my content will not be this heavy. But I wanted you to know the ‘why’ behind me writing again as well as share with you how I start to clear my ledger, while continuing to have it grow and evolve.

It is great to meet you all. Look forward to hearing more from me and I hope to hear from you.

-Live, Laugh, Love 💙-

AJ DOM

What kinds of behaviors do you exhibit based on past experiences? You may not even realize the things you repeat or the things you avoid because of memories or actions that were or are part of your life. That is why I think I am obsessed with alcohol. It has been a part of my family for as long as I can remember.

When I say I am obsessed with alcohol, I do not mean that to equal I am addicted to alcohol. Alcohol has though, been a close family member since I was a child.

Alcohol would visit during the holidays. and be present at graduations. I could recognize alcohol was present, no matter how hard it tried to be concealed. It could make good music great; it could make food flavors robust; it could make lame dances cool; it could make a shy person the life of the party. Alcohol could also be a cruel, mean and manipulative bully; it could encourage violence; it could blow things out of proportion; it could suck the happiness out of a family.

I have witnessed all of these things first hand within my immediate and extended family and I have seen it dictate the lives of so many around me.

I am obsessed with alcohol so that I do not become obsessed with alcohol. Does that make sense? I pay attention to how much I drink, when, and where I am. I pay close attention not to drink in excess, and will take sabbaticals to check in with myself. I think I am this way because of how prevalent alcohol was in my life growing up. Between the alcoholism of family- dad, uncles, aunts, cousins- I would love to avoid having the same issue and love for my children to avoid it as well. We have had conversations about our family, about what we do and about the possible consequences. But we try not to terrify the kids either.

Rightfully so, you are probably saying, ‘Well, why not drink at all? Wouldn’t that be easier?’ Relevant questions. I feel like I learn really well from the mistakes of others. So I enjoy my cocktails- responsibly. Plus many of the people that make it to the 100 year old Smuckers jars say their secrets to living a long life include whiskey and bacon.

Alcohol is not the only thing I’m obsessed with in order to avoid it’s pitfalls. Let me offer you all a couple more examples of things that I think about regularly because of the experiences of those around me. I try not to lie (besides the fact that I am not good at lying anyway- think I inherited that from dad) because so many people I grew up around lied constantly. I mean people lied for absolutely no reason. And I think, “who am I to lie to?” I am probably one of the most supportive people you will have in your corner.

I also avoid taking things that do not belong to me because I know what it is like to have my personal items taken from me. This did not necessarily happen in my own house, but we all have those people in our lives or in our family’s lives who you have to put everything valuable up when you know they are coming over. Or there are those people you cannot take your eyes off of when they are around, and if you do, you are bound to be missing something- anything from mail to clothes to cash to kicks. That is a terrible feeling.

I do not do drugs, because I have seen how it has torn families apart. I know how drug use can create impossible situations to get out of. I have seen how drug use, even if remedied after some time, can cause lasting damage that affects the person’s future behavior and health. I have friends and family members who have heavily used drugs in their younger years and although it had its effects early on, it still affected their memory and decisions in their futures.

I have recently become obsessed with saying No. I always want to please. I always want to help. I always want to solve. But dammit, that is a stressful life to live. I am learning how to minimize my stress and negative energies around me by simply saying No- with no explanation as to why. “Can you come to dinner?” No, I’m sorry, but I’m busy. “I called and you did not answer. What were you doing?” Sorry I missed your call, but I am here now, what is up? Learning how to protect my personal energy is a lesson I am learning and it is way overdue.

I think if we are honest with ourselves, everyone has something they think about an abnormal amount because they want to figure out a way for that thing not to become a part of their lives. It seems counter-intuitive, but it makes perfect sense to me.

Let me know if there is anything that you are obsessed with, in order not to be obsessed with it.

-Live, Laugh, Love 💙-

AJ DOM