AJ D.O.M.

How in the world do you get people to leave your house? Clearly if they’re inside and staying over, you don’t mind their company, even enjoy it and at some point or another- they were invited or allowed in. While hosting can be fun, at times, it can feel overwhelming and less like bonding. I’ve had conversations with friends and they offered some of the ways they let their company know their time is up. Some of my favorites are- Don’t let me hold you. Thanks for stopping by. WAZE shows clear roads going your way. Wow, it’s gotten so late. Thanks for coming. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. We’ll have to do this again soon. I’m going to go ahead and call it a night. Do you need to use the bathroom before you go? Or do you do something like start cleaning? Start collecting the linens. Turn the music off. Start turning the lights off around the house. Start inching towards the door. These are a few ways people may nudge their company, but do they work? Do you feel any guilt?

I think my little family is a pretty cool one. We are really accommodating when we have guests over- whether it’s for an hour, an event that lasts several hours, or visiting for a few days. We recently bought our first home and while it’s spacious for us, it can quickly start to feel crowded. We also try to keep a neat home (as much as we can with teenagers). It’s bright and inviting- but these things could be our “problem.” People enjoy visiting and staying with us and while we enjoy the company of our friends and family, it can become a lot if someone pops over unexpectedly or stays longer than expected.

“Our Challenges:”

We are accommodating to a fault and are learning from this as we get older. We try to be hospitable and have drinks and snacks we know our company enjoys when they stay over. We like to make dinner they’d enjoy. They have control of the den television remote. We make them feel at home.

We are incredibly respectful of people who are adultier adults. We call older folks by Mr, Miss or Mrs- as do our children. But that also means that we curb our language and musical choices (I can’t cook or clean without music bumping and my playlist can be anywhere from Holy to ratchet and everywhere in between. One minute Tamala Mann is Taking us to the King, then Megan is rapping about a Hot Girl Summer, then Jay was just f*n them h*s, he was gonna get right back, to Al Green singing about Love and Happiness to Aerosmith telling me to Dream On). There’s some music that automatically illicit a dutty wine or a booty pop, so I avoid it all when we have adultier adults in the vicinity.

We always offer up the basement or one of the kids rooms- sorry kids. However, no one ever takes us up on that and prefer to sleep on the couch (it’s a comfy couch though). A slight concern with staying/visiting in the shared space of any house (a couple days is usually ok) they don’t have any privacy, which sucks to me, but seems fine for visitors. What that also means is that there’s always STUFF around (I don’t like clutter). There’s always bags and suitcases that they’re temporarily living out of and blankets and sheets folded in some corner of the couch. That’s a slighter issue than the next ones friends mentioned.

Have you ever had anyone visit who invited other visitors over? Dude, even though we may have helped you feel that way, you aren’t at home, you can’t just invite people over. Or what about someone who brings their pets with them? We don’t currently have a pet, but not everyone raises their pets the way we have. We don’t allow pets on the couch or laying on our bed pillows. Some people feel their pet can act the way the do at home, at someone else’s house and that can be bothersome. The same can go for children. We can’t have kids running across our couch and *trying* to just go in our fridge or pantry. That’s really only a problem when the parent says or does nothing about it, and forces us to have to.

“The Resolution:”

What’s the resolution to the overall issue of guests overstaying their welcome? What started out as a pleasant and welcome visit some how meanders off the road. I’ve found that there are a couple ways to approach it. We’ve had to learn to stand up for ourselves and our house. We want to be hospitable, but we can’t allow ourselves to be taken advantage of.

These days, if someone stays over, we set expectations. ‘Ok, we can’t wait to see you for the 2 days you’re visiting.’ The length of time our guest plans on staying is discussed and agreed on beforehand so there aren’t any disruptions to any plans we may have.

The day before they’re supposed to leave, we may ask if they have everything they need for their return trip; if there are any last minute places they want to go or how they would like to spend their last night in town. Let’s go ahead and close the door on thoughts of staying longer- give us the chance to miss you.

Recently I heard someone say, “No is a full sentence” and that was perfect. If someone wants to stay with us and we have things to do or just don’t want them to, we simply say, ‘No, that’s not going to work for us. We’ll have to figure out another time.’ And that requires no explanation or apology. We don’t have to have plans, we just may not have the energy to expel on houseguests and we’ve learned we don’t have to always be so accessible and that’s ok.

We’re hosts by nature. We love to do it and we love that our friends and family love us. We love that they choose us. The friends I spoke with love it too. Some cook and clean and buy groceries for the house and spend lots of quality time with the kids. Most times, the experience is great. There are just those few times that make you want to shut down your whole house like it’s the beginning of the pandemic.

With Easter coming up this weekend, if you will be a guest in someone’s house, just be sure to be considerate. Don’t let your kids jump all over their furniture or write on their walls. Don’t let your pet climb on their furniture if it makes them uncomfortable. Do bring snacks your kids like (or alchohol that you like) so their pantry or bar aren’t left bare (although they’ll likely anticipate those things). Try not to be judgy or naggy. Mostly, just have fun and make great memories.

So how do you regulate your houseguest visits and stays? Do you have any houseguest pet peeves? What is your breaking point to let guests know it’s time to go? What do you love about having houseguests? Comment below and let me know your thoughts!

-Live, Laugh, Love 💙-

AJ DOM